non-stress test

Today was the start of my non-stress tests. I'll have 2 a week for the remainder of my pregnancy. I had no idea what a "non-stress" test was, only that getting there this morning....caused immense stress. When I set up my first appointment, I thought...9:30 what a perfect time~ Ava's school begins at 9 and is only about a mile or two from the hospital. I could drop her off, go to the appointment, and be done in time to go pick her up. Perfection. I did not factor in the scenario of Simon being up every 2 hours last night--once with nightmares "scary lions" and the others with molar pains. I also did not factor in that Ava would be a zombie this morning and decide she had no desire to go to school and is still having a bit of an asthma issue. I also should not have balanced my budget this morning. That's always a massive stress trigger these days. Dang spreadsheets.
However, it turns out...the non-stress test is all about the stress the babies are under. So, my nearly having a total panic attack this morning and wanting to lock myself in the closet for the remainder of the day didn't cause me to fail. The babies did well. They had to zap one of them to get the heart rate to do what they wanted...which was WEIRD! Simon came with me and was actually very well behaved. Probably the best he has been all day. My amniotic levels are equal for each baby, and they both have a deep pocket, but the levels are lower than normal, so they are watching that. I have another appointment Thursday and as long as they aren't lower, we're still doing great. If it does lower, then they monitor even more closely and perhaps decide to take them. Sometimes there are circumstances where the NICU is safer than the womb I guess. Let's cross our fingers that since they are smaller than average babies, that their levels are just smaller as well, but not dangerous.
Simon, thankfully, took a nap after the hospital, and I started my day of scanning. Scanning. Scanning. Scanning. I'm trying so hard to get 30 hours a week...and so far max out about 18. Listening to conference has helped. It helps when the kids start fighting. It helps when I realize most of what I'm freaking out about internally are insignificant. I never missed a conference growing up. It wasn't even an option. We drove to our ward building on Saturday and Sunday, and had to take notes. Not until I moved to Utah, did I begin the online late viewing or listening. As a mother-I'm eternally grateful for the online recap and ability to listen whenever. Because, let's face it...even if it gets turned on during the actual conference...I won't hear more than 10 minutes. Don't get me wrong, it doesn't have a mystical magical perfect mother creating power, but I have noticed a difference in my reactions to life and my children from taking a few talks a day. I still don't get 100% of what is being said...but it's better than the random choices Netflix offers these days.