anxiety

you know that feeling.  the one where you kind of want to lock yourself in a closet, grab your knees and just rock back and forth.  or, that one where one moment everything is fine, and then 3 kids start screaming and suddenly, you're on the stairs crying, and your heart is racing, and you know this shouldn't be so hard.  you've handled this moment over and over with grace and ease, but for whatever reason this time it's just.too.much. 

some days, doing 3 loads of laundry--start to finish, getting the kids to eat 2 1/2 meals, and getting them where they need to be are a breeze.

then...then there are days where getting yourself dressed is almost too much.  the laundry piles. dirty piles. clean piles. once folded now crumpled piles. 

toys and dryer sheets and bits of ripped up toilet paper from kids playing are everywhere and your mind is simply not able to find a starting point.  and even if it could, it's echoing...what's the point?  the moment you start, they will cry. they will scream. someone will poop.

it's time to reach out for help.  Not just for someone to come and do it for you.  no, that's just a bandaid really.  the help required is from a doctor.  the help you need is modern medication, because your mind is overloaded and needs help to function. to think. to process.  it's time for me to get that help.  look around here. chaos. fear. anxiousness.  it's all unnecessary.  i've set the appointment.   the real test will be if i make it into the office.