it's the perfect blendship

I can't believe how fast time is going. The other day, my dear friend Peter Ford asked me how it is even possible we've gotten to be at the stage of life, where we are having kids grow up on us. Simon started preschool at Bravo with his cousin Melyn last week. He LOVES it. We are lying down last night...and he's trying so hard to fall asleep and suddenly he points at the ceiling and counts to TWELVE, and then perfectly sang the ABC song. Now, for some kids this would not be anything huge for almost 2 1/2. However, for my Si-guy, this was a first. He's been trying to get his ABCs down for a few months, but kept skipping a few. He was so proud and just LAUGHED each time he could do it. His new favorite phrase is "What's this?" and he fully expects an honest and correct answer. Even when he knows the answer, he will ask. If you get it wrong, he will correct you. If you say, "I don't know hun." that just doesn't cut it. He asks again and again until you tell him. His curiosity is just exploding. He has had some major 2 year old moments this past month, but I'd say he's adjusting really well to all the change that has come into his little world this year. He broke from the bottle, moved, and I lost the permission to carry him all in a 4 week period. Who wouldn't have issues with that? Through it all though, he's really growing into a little guy quite well. Most nights he settles down easily and is very lovey when he can tell I've run out of strength. He is very ready to let you see and mourn any and every "owie" imagined or real. He milks the attention. No chance of this kid getting lost in the mix, that's for sure.


Ava has abso-lutely loved her first week of kindergarten at Bravo. She has made a best friend, which is a true answer to a prayer of mine. She has been so very lonely since we moved up here. She went to her friend, Kimmy's, house today. I hope that Kimmy's mom and I get to know each other well, and maybe I'll make a new friend too? Dare I hope? She seems really sweet. She was nice enough to host the first play date when the girls BEGGED to play right after she and I met. Ava seemed to really have a blast. I hope they stay good friends throughout the year. She is only a month older than Ava.

Speaking of besties, Rachel and I met up this afternoon. I am loving our weekly outings. It gives me something to bribe my kids with, and really gives me something to look forward to. Rach really has been an answer to my prayers as well. I feel like being friends with her is zero effort and very much kindergarten easy. You meet, laugh, and bam...instant friends. I wish it was this easy with everyone, but then...it wouldn't really mean anything to me I guess. This week we ventured to Kangaroo Zoo-it just opened in Ogden. It's a warehouse full of bouncy houses. It was about 80 degrees and 200% humidity, but the kids had the time of their lives, and for 2 hours bounced, climbed, slid, and came begging to leave all sweaty, tired and stinky. Ah, the way a play date should end. It ensures no fight for a bath or dinner. They actually asked for extras, and Ava needed a night snack as well. I'm not sure what we'll be up to next week, but I'm already looking forward to those couple hours of stress free socializing, and side aching laughter. And her adorable Annie. Man I love that chunky smiley baby.

Hilary Weeks

AT one time in my life, I considered myself quite good with words. Along with so many things about myself, I no longer find this to be all that true. I have moments where I can be spontaneously clever, or say something randomly profound, but no real lasting word smithing.
The last few months, I find myself internally frustrated with this. I feel so many conflicting emotions and have been unable to express it even to my own soul.
My mother-in-law showed up the other night with a gift for me.
This cute book comes with a 7 track CD. 5 of the tracks are parodies of songs, bringing humor to frustrations mothers face daily. Track 6, starts off quite humorous, just as the previous 5, but then naturally, and unassumingly becomes a strengthening moment for every.single.mom out there, followed by an amazing song that perfectly expresses everything I've been trying to figure out in my own heart and mind for most of this year. It's called "Who you are." The night she gave this to me, Chris had offered to take the kids home in his car, and I had the first "alone" time in over a week. I found myself pulling into the garage with tears streaming down my face. Feeling the love of my Heavenly Father stronger than I have felt in ages.
Last night, once again I found myself drained at the end of a long day. The living room was a disaster. The dishes were still waiting to be done, along with laundry...and the endless list of things that we, as mothers, seem to find vital tasks before we allow ourselves a moment of peace. I feel so unequal to the task so many times in a day. And when I consider that our lives are about to be added upon with these precious little boys...I literally cower. How can I possibly find the patience, love, energy for two more souls at once? Instantly doubling our kids....I finally understand somewhat of how the apostles may have felt the day of the 5,000...with 5 loaves and fishes. How to provide for so many with so very little. And yet, as Hilary explains on her CD, the Lord thanks Heavenly Father for what they've been given, despite how it is so painfully obvious insignificant vs. the need. And yet...again, by the end there are 12 baskets full...and all have been fed. Our Father in Heaven gave not only what they needed, but more than enough. Can he really make me...give me...more than enough to provide the love, kindness, patience, strength and energy that my family will require? I found this when I was struggling with this ....



Again, the sobs...Something about a good,hard, body shaking cry is the only way to relieve the pain and stress. The only way that I can find myself able to pray. Pleading. Begging. Questioning. I used to have so many answers, and when I listen to these songs, and take the time to find the silence...and feel the inspiration of the lyrics and musicality, something in my heart is strengthened, and screams out...The answers are still here. You know that the Lord is aware and with you. With the babies. Do not lose your way. So for now, I am once again seeing my life...walking the path to the Tree...the rod so close. Some moments I know I am clinging to it with my whole soul, but most...I feel that I am blindly reaching forward...hoping to find it again. I'm grateful for those out there that light the path with their testimonies...so that I can find my way back through all the chaos of life.

Back on the market

When I think about our home...sometimes I can't breathe. At the beginning of this year, my job was asking me to come back into the office a few times a week, and we knew from the last two years, to expect Ava to be in the doctors quite a bit between Jan-April. Yeay asthma and allergies. So, we set up an FSA fund, where they take money out pre-tax and set it aside for reimbursement. This really is a great way to pay for medical and childcare. We set aside the max for childcare, which is$5,000(hello 2 kids in day care is KILLER) and about $3,000 in medical. This resulted in Chris's take home pay being significantly smaller. At the time, it didn't really matter, because I was working too.
Fast forward to my first ultrasound, and the word TWINS. We realized that we'd need to sell the house. We were on schedule to list the house August 1st, but then jump ahead to TTTS bedrest of 6 hours a day...and my work hours are SLASHED and our mls date was pushed back to August 16. My company is incredible, in that they say when I can come in, to come in and they find me some scanning to do. The trouble is, new neighborhood with zero babysitters, and so last week I made it in 6 hours. six.
Our home looks amazing. We've replaced just about everything in the home, and added a new fence. Plug here for Rocky Mountain Fence in Hooper. $2,000 cheaper than other quotes, and had us installed within 4 days of our quote. Amazing.
I'm needing SO much faith here. We NEED a good family to buy our home and right about where we listed it, so that we can make it through this one income, full time school, 4 kids under 5 time of our lives. So, if you can please pass along our url...

http://www.utahrealestate.com/1049956

and spread the word, I'd really appreciate it. When we listed it 2 years ago, we had like 4 showings. It was so disappointing. This time, the home is vacant. This time, the home has a fully fenced yard. This time, staying isn't an option financially. Please, if you can, lend a prayer for the sale of our home.

Oh dear neglected blog. no one posts on you, and no one really reads when I do. *sigh* but so much has happened, maybe it should be chronicled. Just not sure where to begin.

Two weeks ago, I was diagnosed with twin twin transfusion syndrome on Tuesday about 10am. I didn't go back to work that day, so my poor replacement took over the job after only one day of training. (which consisted mostly of laughing) About 3pm, I got a call from Hollywood Presby in LA and was told to be there the next day at 9am. We booked a flight, hotel, rental car, and at 4am, headed to the airport. The tuition Chris had set aside for fall covered our expenses. I've got 3 weeks to figure out how to replace $2500...so not thinking about that at the moment...ok well clearly I am, but as of now, no longer thinking about it.

We met with Dr Chmait's team-
Ashley the sonographer--brilliant southern gal, with a slight noticeable dialect. Brilliant. Kind. Hilarious. I almost threw up on her a few times, then she stopped believing me that I was "ok" during the 3 hour sonogram and just started insisting it was time for a break.

Terry the nurse--this sounds odd, but seriously, it felt like I've always known this woman, and grew up with her as a 2nd mom. She was hilarious, kind, and insisting we text updates. She reminded me so much of Monica Ciotti. I instantly loved her.

Ramen Chmait, MD--brilliant, kind, all around human doctor. He took so much time to talk to us about the disease, and our options. Again, I feel like he wasn't just some doctor a few states away I had to come to, but someone that had known me forever, and was really concerned and determined to make this overwhelming and frightening disease a distant memory. A "remember when..." Ten years ago, twin twin transfusion was a death sentence...now thanks to his diligence, and desire to eradicate this awful condition, it's just another pregnancy road bump.

They operated Thursday, and the entire team was fabulous. They all told me that while I was under for a few moments that I ranted about chips and snoring, but I'm pretty sure they concocted that story pre-surgery and that the whole thing never happened ;) I am a light weight though, so it's highly likely that I would rant about chips. Hello, I'd not eaten in like 15 hours. FOOD people. FOOD.

The entire staff of Hollywood presby was amazing. There were a few communication struggles with varying ethnicities, dialects etc, but nothing we couldn't smooth over with gestures, smiles, thumbs up etc. They were the nicest rounds of nurses I've never had the pleasure of receiving care from to be honest. They ordered Chris meals as well, and gave us a private room, so that he could have a bed, and not just a foldout chair.

Friday, thanks to having no contractions, and my cervix still being in a "normal" range, we were discharged with modified bed rest instructions, two healthier babies, and cured of TTTS. We drove down Sunset Boulevard....all the while, Hugh Jackman singing in my mind. We got to Santa Monica beach, and spent a whole 5 minutes searching for shells for Ava. Then we spent a good 45 minutes going 6 miles down the 405. 30 of those I'm pretty sure were spent on the on-ramp of the 405....at 3pm. Let's just say dear 405, that you cured Chris of any desire he had gotten from wanting to live in CA.

The Bob Hope airport was very nice, and had someone wheel us to our gate. We got home about 1am Saturday, due to a layover in Vegas. I was exhausted. My mom has been taking the kids a few days every week to help give us time to rest. In the middle of all this madness, we've been moving and attempting to get our house ready to sell. What can I say, I live for a challange.

Due to my new bedrest restrictions, we've had to hire out the yard and house cleaning. Ok well kids are now climbing on me...later