Monday, February 27, 2012

So, first...sorry for the all too angsty depressing previous post. Some just have to write it all out or it'll never end. Appearnatly writing it out has really helped to calm me...especially followed by opening a bottle of prozak. I've decided to go back on some anti-anxiety/depression meds. I forgot how much they mellow me out at the beginning. So hopefully in 2 weeks I'll be feeling more normal and less Negative Nancy.

I admit that things have been one right after the other in the problem department. however, I need to focus less on how crappy it is...and look harder for the positives.

We have a great family support system. Without them, I'm not sure how we'd make it day to day. So, thanks to all of you for the help. Accepting help is not something I enjoy doing, but I've been truly humbled the last year and have had our lives blessed by the generosity of many.

Saturday, February 25, 2012

don't bother reading-

I think it goes without saying that I really really detest the winter. I don't mind snow. I don't even really mind slush. What I do mind is the constant sickness, the bitter cold winds, and the icy weather that comes when there is NO SNOW. At least the snow makes the cold worth it. Sunny days that carry a 2 degree wind chill are super cruel. And endless grey-and in Utah this means also endless inversion-is so incredibly depressing that my muffin top simply morphs me into an all around 20 pound over weight version of myself.

We've been sick the last week. It's been a long and horrific virus, and if I ever figure out where we picked it up from, I'll be sending bad karma its way. Who gets an infant like Carter this sick? Seriously!

I'm really super bitter, because I was so looking forward to St George for Presidents Day weekend. We didn't go. We were super disgustingly sick, and had been misinformed that Chris wouldn't have the day off--when SURPRISE he did. So we did nothing. Reading Michelle's blog makes me ever so bitter and jealous. Don't get me wrong, I love my kids. They are super adorable. But, Chris and I had them so fast that we've never had spontaneous road trips, or went to Disneyland just for the hell of it. Even when we plan trips, 99% of the time we don't get to go. Today, I'm really wallowing in the negativity of how I view things. I am in a rut. We are in a rut. I can't even see how to get out of it. I just know I don't want to be in it anymore. The twins are 3 months old and I haven't had my eye brows done since I was pregnant. I tried to color my hair to spice things up...and well, if you've seen me you see how horribly wrong this went...and if you haven't, well it's because it went horribly wrong. Usually these things wouldn't bother me, but somehow being 20 p0unds overweight with a Helga-brow and little mermaid hair really is getting to me. Too much netflix teenage trashy shows for this mom. I really need to fill my life with less angsty drama shows and more....(fill in the blank)