Saturday, June 30, 2012

wilkins crew

I had the pleasure today to photograph the family of an old co-worker and friend. Morgan used to work at the Layton and Salt Lake offices of Inwest.  He was an escrow assistant and helped to train me in my early days there.  He is so much fun, and his boys were adorable!  His wife, Cherri, is a sweetheart, and I loved getting to see them interact as a family.  It was just under 100 degrees, and the sun was fierce, but they were awesome sports and we got some pretty great shots.

Thursday, June 28, 2012


Ava adores her cousin Julia.  She has always looked up to her.  In the last year, Julia and Ava have bonded over makeup, Chinese (the language, not the food) and become best friends.  I had the honor of photographing Julia in her baptism dress today, and she invited Ava to come along.  She comforted Ava when the Jayners realized the photo shoot was not at all about her, and insisted that we take Best Friend shots.  It's amazing how much I've seen my niece grow in the last year alone.  I'm so proud of her. Thanks Jules for letting me be a part of your baptism experience. I love you sweetie!

some days you have to tell yourself to keep breathing.  Just take the day one breath at a time.  Inhale. hold. Exhale.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

that 3pm feeling

Maybe it's because I'm a procrastinator--but my sluggishness usually hits about 3pm, as opposed to that "2:30" feeling to which 5 hour energy is always referring.  I think my kids all hit the wall about the same time.  Maybe that's what causes me to slam into it? Constant whining and screaming begins and I'm drained.  Maybe it's the other way. Maybe they sense I'm fading and in a ploy to get my attention back full force the screaming and whining begins.  Egg/Chicken I suppose.  Usually by 3:40 Simon forgets that he has any language skills other than eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee, uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuh, neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh.  I need a cupcake and a coke.

Thursday, June 14, 2012

This recently hit the grocery stores and will be the death of me. It microwaves in 10 minutes and is the yummiest mac and cheese ever. and i hate mac and cheese.  It's the ULTIMATE comfort food.

Sunday, June 10, 2012

mommy rhapsody

So, I'm probably a good year behind, but this is epic I totally want to perform the mommy rhapsody.  Anyone with me?!

Friday, June 8, 2012

best friend day

I had the kind of day today, where you don't even realize how sore and tired you are until about 9pm. I sat down and just started aching, but you know what? TOTALLY WORTH IT.  Sadly, Becky and Keri's crew weren't able to come to our BBQ, but it was still a total blast. (Would have been even more amazing with them)  I am so grateful for this place.  I know that our life is INSANITY in its truest form these days.  I look at the last 13 months---the numerous trials sent our way, emotionally-financially--sometimes it still feels too much.  But then, then we have days like today.  And nights like tonight.  Where we sit with friends.  That's friends, with an s.  I realize....I'm not lonely anymore.  I may be hopelessly buried in IHC invoices, and spreadsheet calculations attempting to make our income greater than our outgo--or even equal....but I have amazing friends.  And so do my kids. My kids aren't lonely.  Do we miss the friends we lost when we moved? Yes.  Ava talks about them constantly.  But, she knows now that she isn't the problem.  That she is a great girl worth loving.  She had months where she thought no one would like her, because her best friend suddenly was gone.  And didn't seem to miss her.  And I had no explanation for her.  So, today I'm grateful that on "National Best Friend Day," we were surrounded by 5 amazing families.....building new best friendships.

Monday, June 4, 2012

where can i turn for peace?

I remember in the summers growing up, every once in a while, when babysitting, I'd come across trashy talk shows about 10-11am.  You know, Jenny Jones mostly.  All about families with kids out of control.  I'd watch and think "Holy crap people. Get control of your kid. Are you seriously admitting to America that your 3 year old rules your life and beats you?"

Today, that snarky 13 year old inside of me got to see what it's like to be that mom, as my 3 year old, publicly went physco on me.  now, I wish I could say this is the first time it's happened, but it's the 3rd time this year.  A flip switches, no ...faster than a switch...I don't even know how to describe it.  One second I have a smily, lovey, adorable boy and 1/100000000000000 of a second later.... he's screaming, thrashing about on the floor, slapping me, crying, kicking.  Weeping, wailing, gnashing of teeth. Never has that phrase been more real to me than of late.  Why am I admitting this online?  Because, I am out of my depth.  I need help to stop this behavior.  For 20 minutes this went on at my daughter's school.  I tried everything I could think of (well, everything non-violent) and finally carried his demonic body out to the car and went back into the building to get the other kids.  I was walking out the door, trying to hold myself together, when I tripped and dropped a car seat.  I lost it.  I completely lost it in front of a total stranger.  I sobbed.  I couldn't hold it in anymore.  I was filled with failure and fatigue.  All I could do was sit on the bench and sob.  This kind mom checked on me twice. Offered to help me to my car, but I thanked her and told her when my moment was over I'd be fine.  Mostly all I could think was...  How Have I become THAT woman??  The woman whos son publicly hits her and feels powerless against her toddlers wrath?  I'm not saying Ava never threw fits....but, when Ava would throw a massive fit, a fit to the point it broke me and I'd cry...she'd at least see that it hurt me, and stop to see if I was ok.  Simon isn't even phased.  I've made so many excuses for his behavior. He is small. He gets frustrated because his vocabulary is delayed. But you know what? None of that is true anymore.  He's smart. He's clever. And he's probably been both longer than I realized.  He caught on somewhere that I was allowing this behavior.  90% of the time, he's an amazingly loving child. But this 10% that he isn' a a really ugly, bad 10%.  I need to end this behavior NOW.  Any ideas, would be so appreciated.  Even if it's just "give it time."  And maybe, the next time you see a toddler freaking out on his mom in public, instead of dismissing her for her lack of skills, as I would have done a few years ago, say a prayer for her instead.  Pray for her to have strength, patience, and peace. Pray for her child to have peace as well.  Because, at that moment...that's what they both need most.

Sunday, June 3, 2012