Monday, May 5, 2014

Dear Jon

Well technically it's the day after, the 8th anniversary of your death, but since I haven't slept yet...I'm not going to count this as late.  You being the totally cool person you are, will most likely totally let me get away with that excuse too. 

You'd be 32 this year.  Taunting me, no doubt, about my upcoming 30th birthday-but you know what.  I don't mind turning 30.  I'm ready to be done with the 20s, and from what I hear...30s are pretty fantastic. 

I have four kids-this, of course you know.  I am fully convinced that you're watching over the baby we lost a few years ago.  And that you watch over those of us here, every day. 

Today, I was thinking about that fireside we drove to.  You know, the one where I got insanely lost and we showed up late and yet still got AMAZING frontish row seats to hear Richard G Scott speak...and how people kept asking if we were engaged, even though we'd never been on a single date, and that was awkward, so we kept our distance the rest of the night. And then on the drive home, my brother fell asleep in the backseat, and we just talked.  And for 2.5 hours you were a different you.  Instead of the happy go lucky hilarious joker I'd known, you were serious and calm and bore your testimony to me.  For the entire drive, you spoke with passion for your love of the gospel.  You were on fire man.  I just wasn't' sure if I ever told you how much that drive meant to me.  How much it helped me to grow.  How much I lean on it still to this day.  How much I loved you. 

I don't think I ever really told you that.   I was always afraid it would come out meaning something more than it did.  Or wrong.  Or maybe I didn't think I needed to say it, because of course I loved you.  Of course you were an incredible friend who I leaned on everyday.  You knew I had Chris.  I knew you were head over heels for a girl named Kathy.  And yet, I never told you.  So I'm telling and every day since the moment I got that awful phone call, telling me that you were gone.  I love you kid!  I love that you were a total prankster.  I love that you wanted to live life on your terms.  That you loathed your singles ward in Mechanicsburg, because oh man, it was awful.  I love what an amazing uncle you were with your nieces and nephews.  They adored you!  You had a gift with them.  I love that you were friends with my brother.  That we all three hung out and made weird videos on my crappy camera and   that.....even tough it's been 8 years....and it'll be many more....i love that I know that I will get to see you again.  I really hope that when I pass you'll be there to show me the ropes, and make sure that I get to where I'm going. 

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