Monday, June 4, 2012

where can i turn for peace?

I remember in the summers growing up, every once in a while, when babysitting, I'd come across trashy talk shows about 10-11am.  You know, Jenny Jones mostly.  All about families with kids out of control.  I'd watch and think "Holy crap people. Get control of your kid. Are you seriously admitting to America that your 3 year old rules your life and beats you?"

Today, that snarky 13 year old inside of me got to see what it's like to be that mom, as my 3 year old, publicly went physco on me.  now, I wish I could say this is the first time it's happened, but it's the 3rd time this year.  A flip switches, no ...faster than a switch...I don't even know how to describe it.  One second I have a smily, lovey, adorable boy and 1/100000000000000 of a second later.... he's screaming, thrashing about on the floor, slapping me, crying, kicking.  Weeping, wailing, gnashing of teeth. Never has that phrase been more real to me than of late.  Why am I admitting this online?  Because, I am out of my depth.  I need help to stop this behavior.  For 20 minutes this went on at my daughter's school.  I tried everything I could think of (well, everything non-violent) and finally carried his demonic body out to the car and went back into the building to get the other kids.  I was walking out the door, trying to hold myself together, when I tripped and dropped a car seat.  I lost it.  I completely lost it in front of a total stranger.  I sobbed.  I couldn't hold it in anymore.  I was filled with failure and fatigue.  All I could do was sit on the bench and sob.  This kind mom checked on me twice. Offered to help me to my car, but I thanked her and told her when my moment was over I'd be fine.  Mostly all I could think was...  How Have I become THAT woman??  The woman whos son publicly hits her and feels powerless against her toddlers wrath?  I'm not saying Ava never threw fits....but, when Ava would throw a massive fit, a fit to the point it broke me and I'd cry...she'd at least see that it hurt me, and stop to see if I was ok.  Simon isn't even phased.  I've made so many excuses for his behavior. He is small. He gets frustrated because his vocabulary is delayed. But you know what? None of that is true anymore.  He's smart. He's clever. And he's probably been both longer than I realized.  He caught on somewhere that I was allowing this behavior.  90% of the time, he's an amazingly loving child. But this 10% that he isn' a a really ugly, bad 10%.  I need to end this behavior NOW.  Any ideas, would be so appreciated.  Even if it's just "give it time."  And maybe, the next time you see a toddler freaking out on his mom in public, instead of dismissing her for her lack of skills, as I would have done a few years ago, say a prayer for her instead.  Pray for her to have strength, patience, and peace. Pray for her child to have peace as well.  Because, at that moment...that's what they both need most.


Sheila said...

I have a child that loves to throw tantrums. He hasn't done very many in public so I'm not sure what to do in that situation. As he's gotten older, they have gotten less dramatic and have been able to talk him into some sort of normalness so we can carry on. So, he'll grow out of it, but it may take time. The only thing I can say is to have patience. It's not easy and I need to take advice from my own words. I also would say to not give him what his fit is over. Doesn't matter what it is, don't give into it. If in public, you may have to deal differently with it, but don't let him have what he wants. He'll think he can always do this and get it. We have a corner in our house that is the "out of control corner". When he throws these fits, I move him to the corner and leave him there until he is done. If he gets out, I put him back. Again, this is something that takes patience (easier done at home than in public). I sometimes also just ignore it and sometimes I just grab him and hug him (depends on the mood I'm in). I've discovered that the tantrums are a need for some attention and would rather give him loves than yelling (again, depends on the mood I'm in). Good luck!

Fike's Lives said...

Mark has done this a couple of times, and honestly, the only thing I have really been able to resort to is to put him in a body binding hug, until he finally calms down. It takes a while, but he does eventually calm down.