Today is the first Saturday in months that I've spent with Chris. Usually, our Saturday goes a little something like this....
Kids wake us at an hour that isn't at all nice, for a Saturday
We spend an hour trying to convince them to snuggle back to bed--and then trudge downstairs in defeat--usually for Ava's chocolate milk.
About 10 am, Chris locks himself in his office with his computer, books and I get the kids ready for the day.
From 11-3 I take the kids to the tree house museum for a day full of Art Garden, Block Center, Participlay and dress up central. We usually meet daddy about 3:30 for lunch. Simon naps, Ava goes on forever strong and I lag behind--having spent all my day's energy either carrying or walking Simon around treehouse. 7:30 comes and I put the kids in the 'bed time routine' and if I'm lucky, about 8 they are out and I can see Chris again for a bit. At 9:30, we wind down with an episode of Leverage and passout.
Today, however, was different. Today was great. The kids--still woke up pretty early, but considering they were so cute, we'll let it pass. We played outside for a bit and were given some donuts from the Bilary fam ;) we went for a family walk to the park, and then Chris and I had some SUSHI! Then, Ava and Simon went swimming with my parents and Chris and I spent an hour walking backwards through IKEA--and even saw Donny Osmond. Seriously. My parents made a fab dinner of lasagna, yummy garlic bread, and mint cc icecream with thinmint cookies. hello! The kids were still in bed by 9, and we saw the season finale of Leverage tonight. Now, it's 12:13am and I'm wired. No treehouse, no tired mommy I guess. It was a wonderful day though. I loved being able to have time with Chris. Free dates are great! We need them more often. Time to be together. Time to talk and be best friends. It's so essential to making life livable!
My mind is chewing and racing over things Chris and I got to talk about tonight. I think he's suffocating as things are in our lives right now. He has so much potential and can't make any headway as things are now. I think it really is a big root to his anxiety. He wants to be able to grow and right now, it's winter all around. Making big changes is scary. I don't even know how to think about starting something new. All I know is that I love him and want him to be happy and confident and have satisfaction from the things he's doing with his life. I need to make that happen, or at least, be assisting and supporting in making that happen...but I'm having trouble finding Step 1. Why can't all of life be like the gospel? Grab onto the rod, hold fast, and though the path is rocky and rough, there is a PATH, that if you carefully and truthfully follow, you get to your desired destination. Outside of the gospel, much of life feels like the mist of darkness. Most of the time I feel like I'm walking in a dense fog, bumping into people I can't really see and hoping that I know where it is I am leading my family. I know where I want to be. I see it in my mind. But...where is the dang RAIL?!!? Am I alone in this craziness? Well...there are the other ladies in my head--heaven knows ;) but really...is this normal?
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