Friday, December 14, 2012

i stand all amazed

Most days, getting my little Aves to kindergarten is a stressful task.  There's interrupting her flow of play, convincing her to get dressed,doing her hair all of which she is rarely excited about having to do. Then there's the dressing 3 little boys, and making sure no one blasts out of their diaper as we are loading up.  Buckling the seat belts. back packs, coat, gloves. snacks. and a 9.7 mile drive to her school-which on great days takes 12 minutes, but most is more like 18-20.  I have to admit that I'm not always in the best of moods by the time we're there.  Especially if I've gotten behind a car that insists on driving 35 in a 50 road, making us late. AGAIN.  Hearing today that 20 children were killed at school...20.  Between the ages of 5-10.  Suddenly being 2 minutes late for school doesn't seem so stressful.  Doesn't deserve the irritation in my voice and harsh tones.  I heard about the shooting while Ava was in school.  When she got home, I talked to her about it.  At a level appropriate of course.  I told her a man had taken a gun and hurt many people.  She asked if they died, and I told her they did.  She looked sad and asked, "But they'll come back alive tomorrow right?  Or maybe in 6 months right?"  I brushed the hair back behind her ear, and explained that they wouldn't be coming back in 6 months.  "Oh," she said, "But when Jesus comes back then they will be able to come back to their mommy and daddys and be kids again. huh?"  I couldn't help but start to cry and hug her.  I shook my head and said, "yes. they will be able to come back to their mommys when Jesus comes."  She then told me that guns aren't allowed at her school, and patted my cheeks and told me not to worry. 

So many horrific tales of killing sprees have occurred, and I've always felt saddened for the families, but somehow, this story is all too chilling to my soul.  Maybe it's because I have a kindergartener now.  Maybe it's because lately, Ava and I have been butting heads a lot, as she pushes the boundaries kids do at this age.  Whatever the reason, I hope to remember to always hug her goodbye.  I hope to always remember how precious she is.  I hope to have the faith she does that while what happened is truly horrific, and we all mourn, and those families are suffering a loss no one should...they will be whole again one day.

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