Monday, June 20, 2011

called to serve-the little children

It catches me off guard all the time how much time has passed. Seriously, I still remember the night, in my apartment back in PA, when I woke in a panic. I had just had the weirdest dream. I was on the floor playing with a beautiful curly hair-blonde toddler. She had the biggest, blue eyes, and cute dimples. Her name was Ava. We were laughing and then the door opened, and I said, "Welcome home honey". As the man's face came into view, my entire self fought my sub-conscious and woke me with a start, as I recognized him as a missionary that had been teaching my friends. I decided right then, that I would no longer be talking to that guy, as I was TOTALLY creeped out, a decision that was easily kept, since he was transferred within a couple of days. I moved back home to be with my sister before she left on her mission, and started thinking about going on a mission myself. I go to my home ward, only to discover that he'd been transferred to my parents ward. Again, totally weirded out. I remember walking up to him and saying "If you end up in my singles ward, I'm going inactive." I'm sure he thought it was a really random comment, as I had never told him of my freaky dream. I didn't see him after that. A year later, when he went home, he began to email me, and I was taking missionary prep classes. My 21st birthday was only a month away, and my papers were nearly done. I had been a ward missionary for months, and wanted nothing more than to serve a mission. We began calling each other, and he became my best friend. He asked me to come out for a visit, and told me that he was falling in love with me. I put the date out about a month, figuring by then he'd lose interest. But the end of June came, and I found myself panicked. WHAT THE HECK HAD I BEEN THINKING? Sure I'd known him for a few months while he was on a mission, but I was about to spend a WEEK 2,000 miles from home with his family. What if they were total freaks? What if they hated me? What if I had to come to terms with the idea that he meant more to me than I was ready for?
I'm pretty sure that my little girl had so much to do with me getting out of my own way. I was never going to be the girl that fell for the missionary. I was definitely not going to move to UTAH ever. But here we are almost 6 years later, and I'm happier than I could have ever imagined. I know our life is never how we plan it to be, but somehow it's better than I could have etched myself. I cried the night I realized I wasn't going to be going on my mission that year. I cried when I told him I accept his proposal. And sometimes, when I hear a home coming talk from a sister, I still cry. But I turn to see this little girl, the little girl that visited me often in my dreams while we were engaged, to keep me temple worthy, and to remind me that she was waiting for me, and her daddy, and I realize that I had a greater, and much longer mission that the Lord had been preparing me for.

1 comment:

Carson Knaphus said...

I remember you telling me about that dream! It's funny how things like that work.

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