Monday, October 24, 2011

seek to be understood

I hate when people say things like...

Oh...he/she is just 2. It's what they do at this age

Just let them have the tantrum. they don't even know why they are mad anymore

No one will EVER know what THAT was about.

I am convinced that when we, children and adult alike, have our tantrums, our cup runneth over emotional break downs, that there is a root cause. We may not know exactly what is at the core. Most of the time, the straw that breaks the camels back is not even close to what is really the culprit. As a mom, friend, sister, human being...I really try to understand people. Understand myself. And mostly, understand my children. Now, I am not yet perfect at this. I've had many occasion, where I give up and join the emotional calamity, becoming even more upset than my child. Usually this results in my child stopping, and trying to comfort me, and I hope that means that .......that they've learned that from me? That they've learned when others are upset to put your own pain aside and focus on others. Maybe it's the shock of "mommy is crying." more than anything.
I mostly have a difficult time with dismissing screaming, crying, etc when my kids are sick. I know when I am sick with a headache, fever, cough, stuffy nose, tummy troubles, that I want to be left alone and taken care of all at once. Luckily, over the years, I've learned to communicate this with less screaming than a 2 year old, but not that much more effectively. It's a very confusing way to feel. Plus, I just want to be better and I'm pretty pissed that no one has figured out how to make that happen. I am sure that all the things I feel are only intensified by one so small, who is experiencing these things for their first or second time. Why is no one fixing this? Why can't I just BREATHE? Why does my throat sting every time I swallow? You are my parents. FIX THIS! And so, I pray for extra strength when I notice my kids are beginning to get sick. The past 2 days, legions of angels have been at our side. Tonight, Simon, completely exhausted, and unable to breathe through his nose (which thoroughly irritates the little man) threw a MASSIVE fit. He wanted to lay down with daddy. But he didn't want daddy anywhere on the bed. In fact, he doesn't want on the bed. He just wants to scream. Does it have anything to do with the bed, his diaper, or the number of lights on/off? No. It has to do with the fact that this little man is too tired to sleep and really just wants to be comforted but can't, because his body hurts. He can't quite pin point where the owie is coming from, just that it's there.

While Simon has made great progress in his verbal skills, he struggles to be understood by most people. It's not that they don't try...well ok ...I don't really believe that...I truly think most people just don't try. They nod, smile, laugh, and guess. But they don't really try. Maybe it's because I spent so much of my childhood not hearing anyone well, and thus people decided I was "lazy" or not living up to my potenital, when really I just couldn't understand most of what you're saying dear teacher, especially since you sat me next to the BOILER. But, this is a difficult area for me. Simon really tries with pointing, and repeating himself and attempting to enunciate, to fully communicate and most people just shrug and look to me for translation. So, until he comes fully into his own, and is able to clearly express himself, I am going to sit with him. I'll sit through the screaming. I'll sit through the crying. I'll sit through the throwing, sometimes hitting, and wait for him to express his frustration that no one seems to be able to understand him, because when I do...when I am able to remain calm through his storm and show him that I really am doing all I can to understand him....that we have a break through. We may not find the real original reason for what began this all, but we find something I can fix. Something I can do to help him find a way to be somewhat comforted. For this, I have my husband to thank. He has sat through many of MY storms, calm. He has held me through my crying, screaming, throwing fits and waited for me to find something, anything that I could convey to him. He has helped me to be understood. And so, it is my prayer, that I'll never give up on seeking to understand my children's needs. No matter how often I may fail...I never want to shrug at their pain and frustration and say "you'll out grow it." "it's a phase" "drama!" and leave it at that.

1 comment:

SarahJo said...

Yay mommy power! :) Good philosophy, sounds like a page from my mom's book ;)

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