Thursday, March 1, 2012

writing out the fear

My latest second of excitement and ambition was "By this time next year, I want to be doing photography for real." You know, instead of for pretend. I want to be booking photo sessions. I want to be handing out cards. Or, you know, even possess some cards. I want to get serious about this. That moment of excitement was immediately followed by paralyzing fear.

This is not the first time this has happened-especially about my photography. Some fears-
  • Uh...photoshop what? The last time I used photoshop I had braces, my nose was too big for my face and I still thought shaving between my brows was a good idea.
  • What if I'm no good? What if I don't really have "an eye" or "talent" and what I do have is luck.
  • Photographing cute kids makes getting great pictures a lock. Can I really just market good looking people and turn away the awkward?-how bad of a person does having this thought make me. Pretty bad.
  • How does one even start a business? a business what? Taxes? Website? Marketing? UHHH RUN!!!!

See, my real fear isn't that I'll fail. If I try and fail, then really I'm right back where I started. With a lot of money invested in a camera and gear that sits on my bookshelf in a pretty awesome camera bag. what happens if I learn photoshop and I love it and my business takes off. I dont know anything about having my own business. I don't know anything about really succeeding. I've always done average (ok let's be honest, below average) in everything {other than my job at Inwest. I really rocked that}. I am terrified of success. I am terrified of tapping any potential I may have hidden in me.

But it would be awesome. So who knows, maybe I'll grow a pair-take a few classes, and by this time next year have my photography gig up and running.


Ashley Barnett said...

Deb you are an amazing photographer. You have an eye for unique and that is something important in photography. I know you can do this and if I were there I would be your first subject.

Amanda K said...

I think you are pretty successful at being awesome. So you have that to go on :) So you rock at photography and suck a business? Guess what? There are people who are crappy photographers who are good at business. They are called "partners". You'll work it out. Cause your awesome. (see how I brought it all back to that?)

BellaMamma said...

Dovy can get you started. Mr. Entrepreneur here. And I'm already getting hired for design, but I want to be really good, so I'm taking courses online with Lynda. I'll do your business cards! :)