Sunday, January 2, 2011

pass the ludens

Due to 2-3 various vicious colds, our little family has been away from church meetings for almost 2 months. I swear every Saturday, I'd be feeling so much better, and then Sunday morning, I'd be back at square one of the cold with at least one of the kids. Even this morning, my throat was totally swollen and sore, even though a few hours earlier, it had been fine. I decided since I wasn't hacking up a lung, we'd go. It was nice to be back. 11am church. glorious. Still crazy ....crazy to get out of the house in time, but I'm a lot less crabby.
I appreciated the testimonies of everyone today. I've had my own personal strugglings the past couple of months. My heart wrestling my mind. No doubts, just....battles. Figuring out where my strengths, if any, are vs. the weaknesses. The Lord will bring me through this time, if I but put aside my stubborn ways, and just allow Him to do the leading for a while. It is tempting thought. I'm exhausted from trying to forge my own path. It's not that I don't want the path He tries to direct me toward, more like a teenage rebellion, of , Oh YEAH! Well, I can get there just fine using THIS path. We'll see who gets there first. Well, at this rate, I'm not sure I'd get there at all. So, here's to surrendering. Or, at the very least, an attempt to surrendering my will to His.
Chris begins another semester tomorrow. 4 months ahead of early mornings, late nights, and few and far between dates. I know we can do this, because this Fall, he kept a schedule of like 6am-10pm, and got straight As, despite taking time out to help me through the loss of our baby. I just need to remain strong. If I can be strong, and keep things running here, he can have the assurance that he can go and do what he needs to in school and work. They all say that 'one day, this will all pay off.' If I lose faith in all else, I hope to keep my faith in Chris. He will go on to do so many great things--but first, the logical things, like getting a degree (insert exasperated sigh). So now, on to Laundry. Dinner preparations. Budgeting for the Month. and other great tasks that loom in the world of motherhood.

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